If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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