hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Drake has all the answers
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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