ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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