Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
