Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize