I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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