After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
