My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
