Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
