My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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