Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
