Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This is the high leading the old right now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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