so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This is my gift to your gina
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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