I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
