If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
