What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
