basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
