I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
