I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
