i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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