i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
