All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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