Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
