He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
