Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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