just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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