One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
