hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
