you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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