I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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