Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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