I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
