I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
