Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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