She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
