I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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