hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
