Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
