I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
