so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
