soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wear drunk well.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
