i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
