How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
