no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
