I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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