There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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