To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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