i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
