You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize