Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
