oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
