I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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