Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
