I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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