My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
