Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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