just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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