I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
