69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
