Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
