The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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