How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
