Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize