ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
