Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
