And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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