i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
