So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
