note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
