if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
