That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
