dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
