I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize