Swine flu. Run for my life!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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