oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
